as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
