i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize