I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
