You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
