It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she told me i tasted like america
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize