well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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