tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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