When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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