God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize