I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
that may or may not have been my penis.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
