i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
