I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
