if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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