dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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