At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize