you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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