I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
