i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
