physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
