She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
