That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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