A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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