So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
