I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
