I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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