I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
