shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How naked do you want me to be?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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