you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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