The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
