it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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