I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize