We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
