I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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