Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
