i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
