Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
