Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
