Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
