you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
