I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
