So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
