go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
