the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
