can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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