Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she told me i tasted like america
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
