You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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