Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
