I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
