Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
