I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
