All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
