Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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