I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
