Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
