Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
