It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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