i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
