We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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