I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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