it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
