Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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