R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
