Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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