it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
