Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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