We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
