I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize