She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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