If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize