Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found your dick twin last night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
