Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
