my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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