I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
