I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
