are you so shy because you have an std?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
